My Breakthrough

Last night I was thinking about how big Dravyn is getting, standing, climbing, so close to walking it's scary.  And I thought about oh my goodness I may be a grandma some day.  Now it may be a little early to think about that considering that she is not even 10 months old yet, but it lead me to a breakthrough.  I thought about her having a baby, and how I hope it goes so much smoother for her than it did for me.

I imagined holding my grand baby and telling Dravyn how proud I was of her.  That's when I realized I would be proud of her no matter how things happened.  No matter how the baby was born, natural, epidural, c-section, water, home birth, however it happened I would be so proud of her.  And that made me feel not so bad.

I wanted so bad to go natural, or at most with an epidural. But I ended up unconscious and alone for an emergency c-section.  And I felt like a complete failure.  I still feel like I missed something great, and that may never change, but today I feel better about the c-section.  I still carried her for 9 months, and I had a c-section because it was what was best for her.  I did my best, and I am OK about it now.

Besides how can you regret something that leads to something as amazing as this?